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  • Danielle Feerst

Reflections

Today I’m tired. Today is the 4th of April, 2019. I had some meetings this week after Monday, and now I’m completely out of commission. Wiped out. Monday was my NBCOT exam – 5 weeks of studying. Taken on April 1st, 2019. Today, I am finally feeling the rush of the last 2.5 years of graduate school, 4 years of college, 6 big moves, running a company, starting a new business idea, and applying for jobs – hit me. The thoughts, to do lists, the planning. Done.

Totally worth it. 100%. Except, now – I’m wanting to do nothing more than float like the jelly I saw down on the Battery this morning on my walk through Charleston. Floating without a destination, and without a thought about what comes next. If humans could shut down thoughts about yesterday and thoughts of tomorrow, the world would be peaceful.

Jack, my dog, and I stopped for awhile to watch the jelly float, bobbing up and down in the ebb and flow of the small waves lapping against the brick battery wall. “Push, pull, whoosh, plop, plob, push, pull, whoosh, plop, plob.” The sounds I imagine its tentacles make in the water. Plop plob – just the way my body feels now.

Does one float through life on happenstance? Or envision the life of your dreams and try to achieve it? Do you let life happen to you or do you happen to life?

Not really sure if there is a right answer. Like usual, the answer depends. However, I will say more joy usually is felt in the former. Joy does not come from accomplishment. Although accomplishment does bring success and success can bring pride. Although I think there are a million quotes about the hubris of man leading to his downfall…

“I would always rather be happy than dignified.” ― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

Joy comes from presence in moments – maybe not bad moments – the happy ones we usually could say bring us joy. But you can’t plan happiness. You can definitely dream about it. You can definitely try to seek a path to it. But ultimately, happiness lands on you.

I think I’m done planning for a little while. I might just float.

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